A Mysterious Whisper

The past few days

Wed, 10 Dec 2003 22:36:08 GMT

A gentle breeze pushed the cold inside my opened home as I stare at your truck. Your lights are red as they fade in to the distance. But all I can see is your face, the image stitched in to my mind. Standing there for several minutes I fell backwards with no hope, no love, no desire to live. With a smash, I lay motionless on the floor; the only thing that moved was the thoughts in my mind. Thinking of the day we started to talk, and the feelings I had gotten inside during every encounter. Ones I can’t control. Remember the night at the swings where I pushed you on the swings. The countless lunch time periods that we have spent side by side. Last night, when I wrote you that poem, a mimic of one of your favorite song. It expressed what I couldn’t say, that I liked you, in more then a friend way. I kissed you on the cheek when it said you close your eyes and pretend we are Romeo and Juliet. I got lost in the moment, but before I could do anything I found my self, sitting down beside you. I wrote on your hand, fine fine bye. And then left and started my long trek home. But I didn’t get far, before I noticed I wanted to be with you. So I walked back, and found my self-sitting next to you, even though I didn’t say much, my mind was on you. And then I got sidetracked in my thoughts and so you leave, I went after you in dash, pushing you away from your truck before you could put the keys in the door. The same blue eyes I used to stare in to become teary, all I could do was pull you in to my chest and hold you in hopes of comforting you. After a few moments you tried to leave again but I pushed you into the back of the truck and then joined you, I sat beside you and talked about it but then your eyes became to tear even more. I just listened to you. You started to shake, was it because of angry or sadness or was it because of the cold, I didn’t even know. I took my jacket and put it over you, then I scouted closer to you and held you in my arms, we talked for a while. All in vain I believe. I’m not sure if I help, I’m not even sure if you like me. Tosha then came out side to retrieve us, so you could do your job. After a few min I left the game and walked my home, but I then wanted to see you again so I walked back. Tosha and I stole your truck and you had to ride on my lap. I put my arm around you as we drove around, flirting with you by tickling your sides, but towards the end I put my arms around you and you held my hand, it was best thing that had ever happen to me at that time, it was so special you hold you hand, but then I had to go…nothing really happened until the next day after school. After helping you cut out some pictures, you took me home. We talked about things awhile and I again tickled you, but then things lead to another and the next thing I noticed was that you were sitting facing me on my lap, my arms were around you and yours were around my neck. I was staring in to your eyes as we talked; I asked you if there was a chance that we would be come more then just friends. After a half to an hour the only reply I got was that you only wanted to date. We said good-bye and you left, I watched as your taillights faded away in to the distance and I fell in to my open door way, and lay there thinking about this all.

Happy Birthday my love

Thu, 16 Oct 2003 00:37:10 GMT

Comfort of Your Voice

Now you’re here,
Just let me say,
I hate this in almost every way,
I hear your voice every day…
but your still so far
so far away,
These darkened feelings, I try to hide.
But deeper down, It kills inside
knowing your not by my side,

You seem so far, out of reach.
But our love is strong,
It Wont be beat
it’s hard to make it,
When your faces sight has been taken

Yet still I’m here,
I persevere,
I still have strength to Rejoice
Finding comfort in your voice,
Its wonderful in every way,
Now I’m here, just let me say
I love you, Darling.
Please let me stay.

And In the time were far apart,
You will be my heart of hearts.
Seeing you, so fair and fine,
Our life together, so Divine
Memories of our time together,
Helps me through this stormy weather

I love you.

By, Matthew Kyle ‘Shep’herd

P.S. Whitney, Through our time together I have come to love you more each second. I don’t know if I could bare turning away from that, and I don’t ever want to try. I love you more than you will ever know. Happy Birthday.

Poem written in sorrys and sorrow

Sun, 12 Oct 2003 05:42:17 GMT

Poem written in sorrys and sorrow

Another wasted second, because of living in uncertainty
Living in a total mystery, wanting to find the solution
Facing my demons, but then more rise to fill the fallens path
Fighting them totally alone, so how managing to do it all
But more and more come up, living in loneliness
Struggling to breath, some how managing to take the next step
Dieing on the inside now, but living as if I’m still alive
Thinking my evil thoughts, waiting for my time
Forgetful of the times of my last true smile, not the ones when I was kidding
Wishing something would kill the silence, in my darkened room
Writing these poems written in sorries and sorrow
Writing letters to the ones I love most, even though they are torn up and lay in the trash
Wishing that I could just tell some one, but how would I try to explain these evil things
Thinking of just how to say it, and attempt to escape the evils of my darkened room
Wishing I didn’t feel this way, wishing it had never happened
Thinking of just to share it, and my attempt of an escape
I wish these pains did exist, so that no one could feel them
As the silence continues to go though my darkened room, I sit in thought
Thoughts filled of ideas for my attempt of an escape from these sorrow strucken room

3 last winter songs

Thu, 02 Oct 2003 02:38:32 GMT

These were written last winter, but i just not found them here they are to post.

Clinical Depression

So here I amLiving in days that seem not to endFor some odd reason I all ways frownAnd seem downIt seems to me that this will never endAgain and Againas this day nears its endI just lay here and frownWhile I stare at the ground'Here it comes again' I sayAs I watch this day endAnd here it isAnother Brand new day!and new reasons I should hate it in every wayThe fun has all goneand happyness is a thing of the pastI wish this would endas I lay here and frownstaring at the ground

Fine Point Pin

You all ways seem so sadAs if your all aloneToday you said you wanted to crySo I stayed by your sideand tried to comfort youBut still you frownedand seemed like you died insideYour heart torn in twoFor two Differnt GuysSo here I amWriting this with my Fine Point PinI just want to sayThat your not aloneAnd you shouldn't fownor seem so downAll this timeI'm here to helpWhen you fall to the groundSo you have to frown

In The Darkness Of Your Room

We stood there, Holding each other close. I layed my head up against your cheek and whispered in to your ear. I told you "I love you and that I never want to lose you." And then, again, silence filled the room and we just stood there silently holding each other close. With out another word, we sat down on your bed. All I saw through the darkness was the beauty of your face, which glimmered in the bluish light. And then again, we sat there silently in the dark holding each other and cuddling close.

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 01:19:12 GMT

another poem

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 01:18:54 GMT

Let me say, I hate this in about every way, I hear your voice every day…but your still so far away, and I’m trying to hide this…but its killing me inside, knowing that your just not by my side, so far out of reach…it’s hard to make it, with no sight of your face, but I make it, finding comfort in the laughter and play of your voice, its wonderful in all most every way, so just let me say…that I love you, and I’ll be here to stay. So the time we are apart, will all be fine...for when we are together everything is lot more fine...and those memories of being together will help me through the darkest of days...I love you.

titleless

Sat, 13 Sep 2003 04:34:38 GMT

Lets face it… the times have changed, and we have drifted far apart, since you have changed and so have I… So lets leave this conversation… and just never speak…for we have drifted far apart to make this…to remain as we once were…

They say ‘you don’t know what you have, until its gone,’ well your gone…and I now see what it was like, and it was simply grand…but now the times have changed, so I’m here to say goodbye… its probably better… the pains will die in time…

I’ll miss you and I still love you…but it’s no longer the same…it’s just no longer the same. Please forgive me for all this pain…

This was written a while back but I'm just now posting it

Mon, 01 Sep 2003 02:52:32 GMT

With each passing minute, I find myself here, sitting alone...with pen in hand. Writing of my loneliness and my dark desire to die, but yet…I now realize, how I have neglected our love that we share, and I wish that I could take it back, all the pain of heart ache, that I have caused, I’m not clear on weather how much I have hurt you, deep inside your heart, but I’m sorry if I did, yet I still question if you love me, since I have hurt you so dear, but I just want you to know…its not the same…with out you…and the way we were, its just not the same, with out that love, and so I shouldn’t hide it…deep inside my heart, so I just want you to note, I want you to note, that I still love you …………………………and that’s probably never going to change.

Sat, 30 Aug 2003 04:08:56 GMT

With the school day over, we find Shep sitting alone in the back commons, blaring The Ataris and sketching. Bluish gray covers the sky and the stars burn bright, scaring the sky. Shep stares off in to the far off view, wishing he was anywhere but there. “Where is every one else,” he muttered “dang, where are you Seth. I’m so bored. And Shacara, how I wish you were here. That would be grand, sitting her holding your hand. Well this blows, I wish something would just happen!” He finished as he slammed his head in to the table, BOOM. That was loud he thought to himself, he then looked around to find nothing had changed, so again he slammed his head in to the table BOOM. “What the…”
He shouted aloud, only to be cut off by the noise again, BOOM, but this time he hadn’t moved his head at all! And then again the sound returned BOOM. Shep then jolted out from his seat at the table and drew his light saber like sword of might; he held it ready for action and a fight. Again the sound happened, BOOM, but this time the noise shook the building and pieces of the ceiling fell to the ground. Panic struck the once calm halls and students rushed out of the building leaving few of there peers behind. Before the parents and other adults could do anything, a voice came on the intercom ceasing the loud booms that once shook the building to its foundation.

“Hello, I am Mr. Strickland, the evil algebra magician. I have come on the behalf of the league of evil teachers, thus I am here to have the brain wash all the adults and have them send their children to school 16 hours a day, 6 days a week, and all year round! Muhahaha!” the voice faded in to a strange humming sound. The sound was a strange sound that came with peace and relaxation, but yet fear and hate was part of it too. The sound stopped the panicked adults.

“Why are you not in class” all the adults said at the very same instant in a creepy tone. All the children, including Shep, screamed in agony and ran to the doors to escape…only to find out the doors had been locked! The students franticly scratched at the doors in a hope of escape, but it was useless. The adults moved closer to the frightened students and began to grab them and carry them off. Shep then blacked out.

To be continued…

My letter to my dearest

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 04:46:45 GMT

Tonight you told me to write to a dearest letter, so I sit here in my room, listening to my favorite punk rock bands with my pen in my hand, I sit here in the lonely room thinking of you and how I wish you where hear so we could be and maybe hold each others hands. I’m going line to line trying to express what is on my mind, but fearful, that its not coming out, in you’re your line of sight, I’m seeing your face and my thoughts run through out, your beatify shows bright as your image is engraved, I wish you where here or I was there so we could speak, so I’m waiting for your return even though will be to late, in a days time will have to be thy wait, till the next time we speak, so this is my email to you, trying to tell you, how I feel, and my longing desire be there with you, so we could be cuddling close.

Pictures

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 04:46:09 GMT

I find my self flipping through your pictures again, and looking at your picture that I hold in my hand, remembering your voice and then remembering my feelings that then I locked deep inside. One of those days when we were still in arms reach but still we never hugged or kissed. But now that we are apart and I’m find myself wishing that it wasn’t this way. And that I didn’t hide those fillings deep inside, wishing I had told you, and then maybe we would have hugged and kissed. But I just wish it wasn’t like this, since you are far our my arms reach and so I’m stuck here holding your picture in your hand, I just wish I could get you to understand.

Out of my reach

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 04:44:39 GMT

Again I stare up at the ceiling, knowing your out of my reach, so as I say here, with the time pressing on, I’m wishing you where here, just so you could be near, but your far out of my reach, just so far away.
Your image is engraved in to my mind, I just wish you where here, so maybe, just maybe I could hold you close, so we could be closer and spend the time together, doing things that can now, only remain a dream, but those dreams come crashing down, since you are so far out of my reach, just so far out of my reach
Just how I wish you were close, and we were be closer, talking for hours with no end, we could spend days together, doing nothing but being with each other, but, yet, you are so far out of my reach, to far out of reach, just to far.

none titled

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 04:43:34 GMT

This was written for girl, please take this message seriously

Sat, 02 Aug 2003 04:01:41 GMT

Hiding your design, trying to hide your emotions, living in one pure lie, wishing you would die, your thinking there is no joy in store, that no one likes you cause you’re the bore, so your acting as if its all fine, hiding your pains with fake laughs, you smile in your sorrow, trying to hide these pains from every one else, thinking they will go away in time, only they are building up, leaves you heart dieing, so its getting harder for you to hide your pains, as with each passing day your smile grows weaker, but yet you still hide it, knowing that its leaving you dieing deep inside, why will you just not give up the act, and show the world how you feel, and then try to find help, and maybe you will be better then, maybe you will be better then, maybe you will be better then.

Fri, 01 Aug 2003 04:46:42 GMT

I sit here and write this to reflect on my day. Its 11:20 now and the blue sky that I awoke to seems to be nothing but blackness that towers above us all. When it was blue still, I arose to the rush of light in to my eyes. I laid there for a few moments in the silence and then with my blanket still on me, I slowly crawled to the bathroom where I rolled in to the tub and simply let the water wake me up. once that was over with and I was dressed and squeaky clean, me and my mom made our was to the car in order to take my to get my braces tighten(most uncool thing ever, even uncooler then diet coke)

*Unfinished*

July 21st 2003

Mon, 21 Jul 2003 22:59:35 GMT

Today I awoke early at about 5 only to find it was storming out side and that the fellow across the street's tree was on fire. This fire was caused by an unknown event(most likely lightening from the storm.) With out a lighter or a flash light, I laid down to awake at a later time that day.

Again I had awoke a few minutes after 12, I still laid there. Staring up, running images through my mind, realizing how lonely I truly am. Well to cut that short I stood up, and grabbed a can of easy cheese and as I walked to my room to turn on the computer, I sprayed some of the cheese in to my mouth. I flipped the switch to my computer and sat down in the chair next to it. I continue to spay the easy cheese and eat it as it booted up. The familiar tone of the welcome screen faded away as I clicked of the songs of the living end and the beeps of msn distort the music, with there constant beeping. Within the hour I had gotten off msn and aim to load my beloved game, morrowind. Well I played that for a while and did a few side quest. Then I stopped playing this game to again chat on msn. While doing this I was editing some pictures of my self. Then my beloved friend, Hannah, told me about this, so after downloading and signing up for this I sit here in my loneness writing this entry in my journal. And this is where I leave off after 6 hours in to my day.

A Mysterious Whisper